If you're shaking your head in puzzlement or disgust right now, you have two options: stop reading or just admit that you do it, too. You do it, just like I do it, just like college football coaches do it:
We're all in this booger journey we call life together, so let's not pretend otherwise. After we acknowledge that truth, the pressing question becomes where we should stash our boogs.
The topic of booger hiding spots was already tackled a little bit in a 2015 Reddit thread. Some of the responses were lame ("In my nose"), others were interesting ("It's pretty gross but on the inside of the bottom cuff of my jeans."), but only a few made me laugh out loud. Here's a winner, taken verbatim: "Im that person that wipes them off my finger and on to toilet handles or toilet paper dispensers in public places". That's the type of weird-ass honesty we're looking for here. With that being said, here are my top eight booger-hiding spots:
- Under the driver's seat of my car
- Under the passenger seat of my wife's car
- On the underside of the wooden bedframe on my side of the bed
- On the wooden piece midway down the back of the couch
- On the windowsill next to my desk at work
- Into a tissue when the situation absolutely calls for it (come on, I'm not a savage)
- Into my hand when I'm swimming in the ocean (no joke, one of my favorite things to do in the whole world)
- The sole of my shoe (much more sterile than the cuff of the jeans)
Some other things you might have noticed:
--I'm a rubber, not a flicker.
--Wood conducts boogers as well as metal conducts electricity.
--You need a booger hiding spot for all facets of your life. Home, work, your commute, on vacation -- the boogers won't relent, so your index finger can't either.
--Just don't get so bored that you jam a pea up there.
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Follow Francis Tolan on Twitter @frantweet