Sunday, May 31, 2015

How Much Does Dallas Braden Resemble Councilman Jamm?

Every time I watch Baseball Tonight, I can't help noticing a resemblance:



On the left is Baseball Tonight analyst (and former big-league pitcher) Dallas Braden. On the right is the combative Councilman Jamm from Parks and Recreation

Monday, May 25, 2015

How Uproarious Is Sterling's Newest Home Run Call?

The Yankees have been playing like white dog shit the past two weeks, dropping nine of their past 10 games. That doesn't mean fans have had nothing to enjoy, though. No, I'm not talking about Bernie Williams' retired number ceremony. I'm also not talking about Slade Heathcott's impressive debut. I'm referring to Didi Gregorius's first homer in pinstripes, a three-run shot he belted on Friday night.



Sure, the tater was just a moral victory in the Yanks' failed comeback bid. But it was notable for John Sterling's home run call on WFAN. Before the season, many Yankee fans were excited about the options Gregorius's fantastic name presented to Sterling. Here's what I predicted:

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

How Pervasive Is the Costanza Rule?

I just saw this sign at the Barnes and Noble on 86th Street in Manhattan:



Just like the NBA has the Ted Stepien Rule, the NHL has the Bobby Hull Rule, and science has Newton's Laws of Motion, it seems that Manhattan bookstores now adhere to the Costanza Rule. The exact definition of that regulation? Don't bring books into the shitter. 

Thursday, May 7, 2015

How Are Spring Sports Like Fat, Naked Bikers?

Remember Shooter McGavin? He was the hilarious bad guy in Happy Gilmore and also the bad guy in the hilariously bad Celtic Pride. Here's one of Shooter's most underrated lines:

"I saw two big, fat, naked bikers in the woods off of 17 having sex. How am I supposed to CHIP with that going on, Doug?"

Well, if Shooter's ability to chip is analogous to my ability to live a normal life, spring sports are my fat, naked bikers. How am I supposed to LIVE with all these great games going on? And I'm doomed until the end of June because my fat, naked bikers aren't going away.

Monday, May 4, 2015

How Could I Omit Dontrelle Day?

On Episode 668 of the Effectively Wild podcast last week, Ben Lindbergh and Sam Miller discussed eponymous pitcher Days in response to my post from last week, about which I e-mailed the hosts. (Lindbergh even mentioned How Blank by name!) When listing his favorite Days, Miller named several that were mentioned in my post, including Big Unit Day, Valenzuela Day, and Ryan Day. Lindbergh digressed for several minutes about Small World Fantasy Baseball, which he said made Pedro Day and Big Unit Day must-see events for him.

However, Miller also pointed out one major oversight on my list. Let's rectify that now...