Thursday, March 19, 2015

How Is My Inbox Like the All-time Home Run List?

It takes some really shitty spam to get me to delete an e-mail message. Even after I've read something and I no longer have any particular use for it, I usually just return to my inbox. It's like I think hitting "Delete" will come back to haunt me, analogous to my grandmother throwing out my dad's Mickey Mantle rookie cards.

Moreover, I often don't even read my e-mails, and I'll probably die with thousands of messages remaining in that cyber-purgatory. My inbox is so hoarder-iffic that I had this exchange with sportswriting legend Steve Rushin a month ago:


And yes, this post was partly just an excuse to brag about that time Steve Rushin knew I existed. The point still stands, though. While my wife keeps her inbox as spotless as she keeps our kitchen floor, I hoard my e-mails like they'll be the only thing left to read after some impending apocalypse. I'm pretty much the opposite of Hillary Clinton.

Now that I've amassed 650 unread e-mails, my inbox has surpassed Ken Griffey, Jr., and I'm approaching A-Rod.


Quick aside: I love how Manny Ramirez's name appears in bold, indicating that he's an active player. He's been working as a hitting consultant in the Cubs system for more than a year now, and he seems to be doing a pretty good job. I don't think he's any more of an active major leaguer than Home Run Baker at this point, though.

At this rate, it looks like I'll pass Hank Aaron by the end of the calendar year. And even if I get hate mail similar to what Hammerin' Hank had to endure during his pursuit of the record, it won't matter much. I probably won't read it anyways.



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