Linus van Pelt -- Joe Girardi
Girardi doesn't feel comfortable without his security blanket (that ubiquitous binder).
Lucy van Pelt -- Masahiro Tanaka
Tanaka treats batters like this:
Rerun van Pelt -- Stephen Drew
Drew will probably never step out of his big brother's shadow.
Charlie Brown -- Alex Rodriguez
Both guys are all-around sad human beings.
Snoopy -- CC Sabathia
CC looks like a cute dog.
(Or, an angry bear.)
Pigpen -- Dellin Betances
Sally Brown -- Gary Sánchez
Both young and cute.
Unintelligible Adult -- Kevin Kernan
Kernan's not a Yankee, but somebody hired him to jot down nonsense about the Yankees every day in the local paper. We'd all be better off if Kernan just wrote "Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah..."
Schroeder -- Didi Gregorius
Just like Schroeder will never duplicate Beethoven's music, no matter how well Gregorius plays, he'll have trouble imitating the art of the man he admired.
If you want to subscribe to How Blank, just type in your email address on the right side of the page. You'll get a notification every time we post new content.
Follow FranT on Twitter at @frantweet and follow Brian Kavanaugh at @btkav