Friday, February 27, 2015

How Will John Sterling Announce Newcomers' Home Runs?

Another baseball season means another year of John Sterling's preposterous home run calls. I'm pretty sure they used to be reserved for the Yankees' best players (e.g., "Bern, baby, Bern!"), but over the years, he's begun to develop one for each player on the team. Even banjo-hitting Brendan Ryan ("That was Ryan's Hope!") had a personalized call last season.

In 2014, Sterling gave us "Never nervous Yangervis" and "The Bronx is Vernon" before Yangervis Solarte and Vernon Wells moved to new teams. (Or, in Wells' case, the purgatory of indefinite free agency.) This year, fans will still be privy to "Jacoby Ells-buries it!", "Oh, McCann can! Yes, McCann can!", and "You can bank on Chase! Headley is deadly!"

And we're entering Year 6 of my favorite home run call: "Gardy goes yardy! Gardner plants one!"



Now, let's look at some of the Yankees' new arrivals and try to predict how Sterling will call their home runs:

Garrett Jones: "Garrett keeps up with the Joneses!"
Didi Gregorius: "The Yankees needed a Didi for that drive!" (Or, "Gruh-, Gruh-, Gruh-, Gregooorious" sung to the tune of "Notorious B.I.G.")
Jose Pirela: "José can you see ... Pirela touch 'em all!"

Last year, I did pretty well with my prediction of the New York Post's punny treatment of Masahiro Tanaka. Let's see how well I do in forecasting Sterling's absurd calls. (Probably not well. I mean, how many people could have predicted "Stewart Chris-tens the seats"?)

Oh, and I almost forgot to mention that one of Sterling's most familiar home run call returns this year: "An A-Bomb! From A-rod!"


We will hear that call this year, right? Right???



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