Wednesday, August 27, 2014

How Awful Is the Accidental Shotgun?

While coming in from work today, I was carrying a bunch of different things, including car keys and a can of soda. As I shuffled with all that stuff, I accidentally smashed the keys into the soda, spraying myself and everything I was carrying. That's right: the Accidental Shotgun.

Now, I'm usually all for shotgunning, the act of siphoning a beer down your throat by punching a hole in the side of the can. But this Accidental Shotgun was the pits. Not only did I lose most of the soda, but I also ended up as a sticky man with an armful of wet.

It got me to thinking about other things that are normally cool but become horrible when done accidentally.

Obviously, accidentally shooting a real shotgun would be worse than my Accidental Shotgun. But what about everyday actions that are great if done on purpose but terrible if done accidentally?

The Accidental Intoxication
This is the distant cousin of the Accidental Shotgun. Did you ever go out on a worknight for a few drinks -- with no intention of getting drunk -- then end up stumbling home with $20 worth of food truck grub at 3 in the morning? Yeah, me too. Some might call it a problem. I call it a recurring accident.

The Accidental Swim
I love swimming. That is, when I'm wearing a bathing suit and it's summertime and I'm at the beach. I hate swimming when I'm wearing work clothes in the lobby of an office building. Let Michael Scott, in the "Koi Pond" episode of The Office, demonstrate:

The Accidental Touchdown/Made Free Throw
Usually, scoring in a basketball or football game is a good thing. (#Analysis) On rare occasions, though, it makes sense for an offense to refrain from scoring. In basketball, a missed free throw can allow a team trailing by more than one point to have a chance at an offensive rebound. On the gridiron, holding the ball instead of scoring can allow a team to run out the clock. In those instances, an accidental "successful" score is unwelcome. For example, Ahmad Bradshaw's "oops" touchdown at the end of Super Bowl XLVI left Tom Brady's offense with plenty of time and a chance to win the game.

Granted, Bradshaw's score actually gave the Giants the lead. But the gaping hole left by New England's defense on that play indicates that Bradshaw should have fallen down to run some more clock. Thank God it didn't cost the G-Men the game.

The Accidental Bat-flip
Another sports one. There's nothing like a good bat-flip to celebrate a home run. Just ask Yasiel Puig and his ilk. But some Korean baseball players have mastered the Accidental Bat-Flip, making asses of themselves when their fly balls land in places other than home run territory.

And, for good measure, one from the Little League World Series last week:

My nickname on my beer league softball team is "Franny Pop-out." I can't wait to start bat-flipping like a savage every time I hit a routine fly ball.

The Accidental Pregnancy
For self-explanatory reasons, the Accidental Pregnancy is the undisputed captain of the "normally fun but awful when it happens accidentally" team.

If you want to subscribe to How Blank, just type in your email address on the right side of the page. You'll get a notification every time we post new content.

Follow FranT on Twitter at @frantweet and follow Brian Kavanaugh at @btkav

No comments:

Post a Comment