Tuesday, June 17, 2014

How Good Does That Patriotism Smell?

The U.S.A. sandwiched a couple strong offensive attacks around 80 minutes of mediocre play yesterday, good enough for a 2-1 win over Ghana. Ghana had been the mongoose to America's snake, the Laertes to the USMNT's Hamlet. But in both teams' 2014 World Cup opener, the Stars and Stripes did just enough to defeat their African foils and grab a much-needed three points.

Now, the U.S. will face a Portugal team that was just obliterated by Germany. If the Americans can pull out a tie, they'll sit in the driver's seat for the second spot in Group G. If that happens, our boys will simply have to hold their own against Germany in order to advance to the knockout stage. Basically, the U.S. will just have to avoid performing like France in every war against Germany ever. In fact, that should be the American mantra before the game against the Germans: Just don't get demolished (like France).

But let's not think about Germany yet. The U.S.-Portugal match will kick off at 6:00 on Sunday, primetime for beer-soaked game-watching extravaganzas. It's a safe bet that I'll be slurring "Oh, beautiful for spacious skies..." at some point in the evening.

So, back to the question I asked in the title: How good does that Patriotism smell?
Answer: That Patriotism smells as good as homemade apple pie cooling on the hood of a Chevy.

Here's my answer in mathematical form:


It's always important to show your work. 

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