However, this being the Age of the Internet, someone already pursued that exact same idea. Aaron Goldfarb at Esquire wrote about this topic back in March. You know, back when people were still interested in reading about True Detective. Still, I really wanted a beer can man.
Here's what I was shooting for:
|Photo via esquire.com|
Step 1: Secure Beer and Dangerous Instruments
Considering that I'm one of the clumsiest humans on Planet Earth, Step 1 made my apartment slightly less dangerous than the lair of the Yellow King. Only slightly.
Step 2: Cut off the Top and Bottom
First, a quick apology to Rust. His main request for beer is that it be "nothing snooty." For a man who drinks Lone Star and Old Milwaukee, Bud Light is probably a bit too snooty.
Step 3: Make a Head
Uh oh. This dude's on pace to have a Dan Akroyd-level conehead.
Step 4: Curse Yourself for Cutting off Waaaaay Too Much Tin
I'm like Kathy Bates in Misery at this point.
Step 5: Admire Your Creation, Dr. FranTenstein
Just horrible. It reminds me of Homer Simpson's attempt at art.
Step 6: Bury the Beer Can Man in a Mass Grave
Farewell, Beer Can Man. You went from an idea to a reality in less than a half-hour. (Notice the change from lower-case to upper-case letters.) The only way you could have been a better American is if I created you out of a Budweiser can.
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