Friday, May 23, 2014

How Depressing Is the Shameover?

One of my good friends -- who will remain nameless in this post -- often complains about feeling anxiety on Sunday morning as a result of some of the mistakes that may or may not have been made over the weekend.

Last week, I posted this on that friend's Facebook wall:

Initially, I was dumb enough to think I invented the term "shameover." Of course, a quick Google search spit out 221,000 results, including that Urban Dictionary definition. Damn! Nobody can make up anything anymore.

Still, I have a few original thoughts to add to our society's valuable conversation about the shameover. Bill Simmons' famous Levels of Losing theory contains 16 tiers of pain experienced by sports fans. I've come up with a more streamlined list for shameovers, with just five levels. Here they are:
The Five Levels of Shameover

Level 1 -- Blurry, Blurry Night
As you may have discerned, the title of Level 1 is an homage to both Vincent van Gogh and Don McLean. Van Gogh was a famous absinthe imbiber and if you've ever dabbled in that green alcoholic toxin, you've probably reached at least Level 3 on this list. McLean, meanwhile, penned a song about Van Gogh but also recorded one of the greatest late-night songs of all-time. A faint recollection of dancing to "American Pie" is usually part of the blur experienced during the Level 1 Shameover. The only thing separating this level from a regular hangover is the probability that you said or did something mildly stupid the night before.

Level 2 -- Lost Items
Phones, wallets, credit cards, hats, clutches, and scarves are common casualties of a wild night on the town. The Level 2 Shameover is often a costly one.

Level 3 -- Minor Injuries
Last weekend, I woke up with a throbbing ankle after I twisted it coming out of the bar. I'm notoriously clumsy, but the beers I consumed at the Yankee game earlier in the day almost certainly contributed to my literal faux pas.

Level 4 -- "I Need to Take a Break from Partying"
This type of shameover can stem from a variety of horrible decisions and/or actions. Any boozer who's ever cursed out a friend, gotten into a fistfight, suffered a serious injury, or disappointed his/her spouse has probably also made the decision to take it easy for a little while. Unfortunately, the Level 4 Shameover usually subsides by the following Thursday, paving the way for more shameovers in the near future.

Level 5 -- R-Rated Mistakes
You can use your imagination to figure out what Level 5 might entail.

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Follow FranT on Twitter at @frantweet and follow Brian Kavanaugh at @btkav

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