Tuesday, December 17, 2013

How Rich Are the Non-Poor?

We've written twice on How Blank about the poverty of the non-rich. (Here's my post and here's Kavanaugh's). Today, let's discuss the wealth of the non-poor.

Over the weekend, our friends Jim and Emily got married,* and we took a bunch of photos at their family friends' house. The place was an old farmhouse that had been renovated into a beautiful home.

*Yup, I was in a wedding each of the last two weekends. It's wedding season!

Let's just say there were a few things in the house indicating that the owners were definitely members of the non-poor class. It led us to play a game called "You know how I know you're rich?"

You know how I know you're rich? You have themed bathrooms.
There were two bathrooms with a beach theme and one with a rowing theme. And those were just the bathrooms I used. I'm not sure if there were others, but I'd bet on it. In my bathroom (singular), I'm usually just concerned with having enough toilet paper and not clogging the toilet with too much of said toilet paper. These people worry about whether they should poop with a view of the Atlantic or Pacific on any given day.

You know how I know you're rich? I'm drinking Bud Light, and you're drinking champagne.
Pretty self-explanatory. Hey, at least we weren't drinking Busch Light, as is our habit during the summer months.

You know how I know you're rich? You have dueling Christmas trees.
In our previous posts, Kavanaugh argued that any rich person needs a backup living room, and I said that haggling over Christmas tree prices was a sign of the non-rich. Well, this house had two living rooms, as well as a Christmas tree in a each. And the trees were certainly not cheap.


Our friend Kate loved the "You know how I know you're rich?" game.


You know how I know you're rich? You have a stable behind your house.
Just like champagne is the rich man's Bud Light, the horse is the rich man's dog.

You know how I know you're rich? You have photos of your home -- in your home.
This was the kicker. They had a photograph of one living room on the mantel in the other living room.


Meanwhile, I just Googled "mantle" to make sure that I didn't spell it wrong or misuse it. Turns out that it's spelt "mantel" and has nothing to do with Mickey Mantle. Just more proof that I'm non-rich.

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