Thursday, December 19, 2013

How Funny Is the Forrest Gump Voice?

In honor of my best friend Chris, the world's premier Forrest Gump quoter,* let's look at the the top five funniest quotes to say in Forrest's voice.

*Read: loud and annoying.

Top 5 Funniest Forrest Gump Quotes

5. "I'm not a smart man, but I know what love IS."
Forrest, you've been chasing a heroine-addicted girl who's been nothing but mean to you for years. There's no indication at this point that you'll ever be together. Yet you still chase her. If that isn't love, then apparently I don't know what love IS.*

*We find out later that love IS passing HIV to your dim-witted husband. 

4. Now, my momma always told me that miracles happen every day. Some people don't think so, but they DO.
It was certainly a miracle when we got Chris to stop repeating this quote at 4 in the morning one night a couple weeks ago. I'm surprised we didn't have a noise complaint in our apartment building.

3. "I'm sorry I had a fight in the middle of your Black Panther party." OR "I'm sorry I ruined your New Year's Eve party, Lieutenant Dan."
Forrest has obviously never been to a real party

2. "I was runninGAH."
Of all the far-fetched things Forrest accomplishes -- playing football for Bear Bryant, meeting presidents, inspiring John Lennon and Elvis Presley, founding Apple, etc. -- I think I believe the cross-country running scene the least. The movie just slips it in there with one quick Jackson Browne/Bob Seger montage. But the run suddenly seems believable when Chris adds the hard "G" to the end of running. I don't think Forrest ever actually said this line, but I love the sound of it!

1. "JENNAY!"
Forrest pretty much ruined the life of every "Jenny" born within the last 20 years.

And a few quotes that didn't make the cut...

"My momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."
I always know what I'm gonna get in those stupid boxes of chocolate. Coconut filling! And I hate coconut.
This was the most difficult omission. Forrest really needs to mellow out if he wants to get along with Jennay's hippie crew.

"He got a daddy named Forrest, too?"
Let's just say that Forrest's kid probably isn't going to join Mensa when he grows up.

"Lieutenant Dan, I got you some ice cream."
"You ain't got no legs, Lieutenant Dan."
I sometimes wonder how Lieutenant Dan restrained himself from drowning Forrest.

"We been through every kind of rain there is. Little bitty stingin' rain... and big ol' fat rain. Rain that flew in sideways. And sometimes rain even seemed to come straight up from underneath."
This is my favorite quote from Forrest's time in Nam, narrowly edging out "Something bit me!"

"Stupid is as stupid does."
It sure is and does. 

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