Thursday, November 7, 2013

How Funny Is Poop?

Okay, I'm about to give you a short list of my favorite poop scenes of all-time. Poop culture, if you will. As always, I'll try to keep this post PG-13. But if you possess characteristics like "maturity" and "decency," you might want to stop reading here.

Everyone else, get ready to have a really shitty time after the jump.

In the How Blank Glossary, you'll find the following listing: "Poop -- Something that will always be funny." An example: Even though stepping in a pile of dogcrap is a horrible way to start a workday morning, it still has to make you smile a little. At least it did for me this morning.

Anyways, after stepping in Fido's mess on a sidewalk in the North Bronx, I started thinking of some other ways poop has been funny.

The Internet has given us some terrific bathroom humor, as anyone who's seen the Cakefarts video can verify. However, I'm going to confine this list to movies and TV, because the Web has so many raunchy videos that I'm afraid to even Google "poop jokes."

Without further a-pooh, here's my list:

Top 5 Poop Culture Scenes

5. Jim Carrey in Me, Myself & Irene


I guess Jim Carrey doesn't find stepping in dog poop as funny as I do. After his neighbor steals his newspaper and lets his dog drop a deuce on Carrey's lawn, the bipolar cop gets his revenge. I especially love the segue to the ice cream cone, because who hasn't compared chocolate ice cream to a moist poop?

4. All the Bridesmaids in Bridesmaids


I know one thing for certain: I would absolutely not want to use a bathroom after Melissa McCarthy, food poisoning or no food poisoning. #Cowpie

3. The Marionette Lovers in Team America: World Police
Well, I promised to keep this post PG-13, so I can't embed the video for this scene. I knew that we had a problem when I had to Google "team america cleveland steamer" in order to find it. If you haven't seen the clip (and you'd know if you had), drop eveything right now and click this NSFW link.

2. Jeff Daniels in Dumb and Dumber


You can keep "I'll never let go, Jack" and "Life is like a box of chocolates." This was the iconic movie scene of my youth.

When my friends and I were at an outdoor party in high school, we even took a page out of Lloyd Christmas's book. My buddy Chris got drunk, so we had him funnel laxative castor oil. When he asked why it tasted weird, we told him, "That Miller Lite was sitting by the bonfire." The next morning, he had to travel out to Staten Island for a summer league baseball game. Let's just say he got well-acquainted with one of New York City's fine Parks Department restrooms. I can just imagine him "shaving" in between each half-inning.

1. Randy Marsh and Bono in South Park

(Thank the Copyright Police for the poor quality.)

Just like the Farrelly Brothers (Me, Myself & Irene and Dumb and Dumber), the genius duo of Trey Parker and Matt Stone earns two spots on this list. No way to pooh-pooh that consistency.

South Park has given us tons of reusable jokes ("You killed Kenny!", "Respect mah authoritay!", "What What in the Butt", etc.), but my favorite is "couric" as a unit of poop measurement. In fact, I just took an eight-couric poop while I composed this list.

I hope you enjoyed. If not, say it with me: Tough shit.

Honorable Mention -- Step Brothers
The only reason I omitted this scene is because human pooh is funnier than dog pooh, even if somene's licking the white dog pooh.

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