Tuesday, September 24, 2013

How Fun Is the Murphy's Masters?

This past Saturday, the entire staff of How Blank played in a golf tournament known as the Murphy's Masters in our home neighborhood of Peach Lake. It had a lot of local flavor (see: #3 below), and we got to hang out with one of our most loyal and cherished readers, Dermot. We had an impromptu editorial meeting and it was decided that a recap for such an occasion was necessary. Here are the 5 best things about the 2013 Murphy's Masters. If I forgot something in the later hours of the event, then it's probably best left in that moment, like the picture of Fran's pale thighs that I'll mention below.

5. No Pants, No Problem 

Despite not playing much golf each season, FranT still plays by the rules...and the unwritten rules. One such rule is that when your drive doesn't make it past the women's tee, you need to shoot with your pants around your ankles. Fran dropped some trow on the 8th hole (I may have seen the boxers go south, too?) and somehow hit one of his best shots of the day. This was one of many hilarious shots enjoyed by our 7some over the course of the afternoon. I actually had a  picture of the aforementioned shot, but just got a new iPhone and that photo somehow didn't make it. Maybe some things are best left to the imagination.

4. Free As It'll Ever Be

Free is everyone's favorite price. Technically, it cost $125 for golf and dinner or $25 just for dinner, but once you paid that there was a ton of stuff included, so it felt free within that context. And I've played tournaments before for around that price where you just get golf, a sleeve of balls, and an average meal, and that's it. Saturday you got golf, a T-shirt, sleeve of balls, lunch, beer included, and a delicious steak and potatoes dinner made by a professional chef in Gerry Murphy. Oh, and I got to see FranT as well as Derm (below) somewhat naked, all for free!

And even if you wanted something from the bar and not a keg beer later in the evening, it's only about $3.25 per drink, making the club house one of the cheaper places to drink that you'll find. Which brings me to the next point...
The awarding of the ugly jacket. A tradition unlike any other. 

3. Where Everybody Knows Your Name

This golf tournament is unique in how much everyone involved knows each other and knows the neighborhood. For instance:

-The "Rangers" for the afternoon consisted of two guys driving around shooting the breeze with the golfers...and refilling cups with a beer jug.

-We paused briefly on the 2nd tee box to cut through a path to our buddy Mike's house in order to talk to his dad, the incomparable "Old Nov" who is the originator of the FranDrew nickname.

-We drove the golf carts to our destination on the neighborhood roads, not the cart paths, when it made sense.

-My phone died so after the round I went home and got my charger, and charged my phone behind the club house bar.

-My mom, who doesn't golf, came and hung out without having to confirm via phone call, email, or text. At what other tournament would that happen?

-The bartender gave Fran and me a ride across the lake once the night was over.

2. No Pants, No Problem - Part Deux

Dermot combined golf's heritage and his love for Notre Dame football in a spirited way by rocking a kilt all day and night. Making it extra "spirited" was that he was donning the kilt as they do in the old country. That means that if/when the kilt got lifted up, there was nothing but Dermot underneath. Don't worry, we got proof from the backside.

1. Combination of golf, beer, friends, and family

Sorry for a terribly sappy favorite moment - but honestly how often can we say we got to combine all four? I happen to love golf, and especially love the other 3 - so this was a great day and I wish I could provide more specific quotes and moments but I either can't recall or can't repeat, so there we have it, and I'm already pumped for the 2014 edition.

And one Not Top Moment - Going Once...

The live auction was pretty cool, except for the fact that we couldn't bid on anything and it just made us feel pretty non-rich as golf 4somes at private clubs and Knicks tickets went for anywhere from $500-1500. Luckily for me, my mom was in attendance and won a 4some for me for next spring/summer. That's the beauty of a local tournament, but it does raise another question: how old am I? That's for another time.


  1. I did make a record of not even playing a single hole and having a crazy woman chase me down the street to yell at me for my golf car driving skills through the above mentions "streets"