Thursday, August 29, 2013

How Do the Best Disney Songs Rank?

I was stuck in traffic after dropping my buddy Ken off at Kennedy Airport today, and I began to think about my favorite Disney songs. Because of course that's what I was thinking about. Here are my top 5 Disney songs and a few comments about each:

5. "Circle of Life"

A real discussion a group of my friends had during the winter: Which Disney characters would you name your kids after? My friend Gerg (not a typo) said if his wife had triplets, he would name them Huey, Duey, and Louie after the precocious trio in the show Duck Tales. Kerry and I now plan to name our first daughter Mulan and adjust the pronunciation of our last name to make it rhyme -- Mulan Tolan. But the funniest idea was submitted by Gerg's brother Jimmy. He said he hopes to name his son Simba so he can hold him above his head at the baby's Christening as "Circle of Life" blares on the loudspeakers.

"Circle of Life" narrowly edges out "Hakuna Matata" and "I Just Can't Wait to Be King," partly because of Lee Corso's new College Gameday commercial.

4. "Under the Sea"

I had a political science professor at Notre Dame who was brilliant, funny, and a great friend to me. The only problem with him was that his parents named him Sebastian. I couldn't take him seriously for years because he had the same name as the crustacean* from The Little Mermaid.

*I write "crustacean" because I don't know whether Sebastian is a crab or a lobster.

3. "Be Our Guest"

When I was in first grade, my class went on a field trip to the movies to see Beauty and the Beast. The trip coincided with a Yankees day game, so I brought my Walkman and listened to the whole game on the radio. Man, I was a badass back then. Don't believe me? Ask the dishes!

2. "Colors of the Wind"

I feel like this ranking might be a little high for a song from Pocahontas. However, I think the rest of us still owe the Native Americans. Consider this a politically-correct peace offering, something Governor Ratcliffe* refused to extend.

*An actual quote from Governor Ratcliffe: "I'll need those peasants to dig up my gold." Calling other people peasants will always be funny.

1. "A Whole New World"

On our recent honeymoon in the Philippines, Kerry and I went out to sing karaoke one night. We brought the house down with our rendition of "A Whole New World." Our secret for belting this song out? Liberally insert the phrase "Don't you dare close your eyes" whenever there is any sort of lull in the lyrics. You're welcome for the tip.


  1. Replies
    1. "'Circle of Life' narrowly edges out 'Hakuna Matata' and 'I Just Can't Wait to Be King,' partly because of Lee Corso's new College Gameday commercial."

      Poor reading comprehension.