On the bright side, though, she allowed me to purchase our new home's transcendent decoration: The Shower Bug!
Yup, a bug-shaped shower radio, for all our bathing soundtrack needs. If that's not American*, I don't know what is.
*By "American," I really mean that The Shower Bug was made in a Chinese sweatshop.
So, to recap: I went out in the 100-degree heat and spent $500 at Bed Bath & Beyond, but at least I got a Shower Bug out of the trip. Talk about a moral victory.
Seriously, though, the Yonkers Bed Bath & Beyond trails only Guantanamo Bay for the title of Worst Place on Planet Earth.