Thursday, June 20, 2013

How Does NBA Draft Terminology Apply to Everyday Situations?

Last Sunday, my buddy and I got up after a long night out and quickly began discussing which bar we should visit that morning. Some of our other friends marveled at the grit and determination we were showing. We began joking that the term "great motor," usually reserved for athletes with impressive drive and stamina, could also describe my love for the "hair of the dog" on Sundays.

With the NBA Draft happening next Thursday and with that story in mind, here are some other funny ways that draft terminology could be applied to non-basketball situations:

"Long-term project": Hot girl you hit on repeatedly until she finally gives in and hooks up with you.

"Underclassmen": Skells.

"Hiring an agent": Using an escort service.

"One-and-done": FranT's best set of push-ups.

"One-dimensional player": Guy that successfully uses the same pick-up line over and over.

"Exhausted his eligibility": Got married.

"Impressive length": I'll let Michael Scott handle this one.

"Lottery pick": That one-in-a-million booger you stare at and admire for no less than five minutes after you dig it out of your nose.

"Deadly shooter": Rumplemintz.

"Solid contributor": Guy that always brings at least a 12-pack to the party.

"Selection process": The steps you go through to get a girl at the bar. Usually, those steps consist of starting with the hottest and gradually working your way down until an uggo reciprocates your affection. It's almost always okay, though, because the beer goggles are firmly in place at that point in the night.

"Explosive attacker": Out-of-nowhere diarrhea.

"Minimum age requirement": For most guys, 18.

"Agressive wing player": Buddy you enlist as your wingman in the bar who ends up sucking face with the girl on the dance floor.

"Hot international prospect": This girl...

"Great wingspan": This guy...

I could keep going, but I'm sure this is a lot more fun for me than it is for you. Apologies to Jay Bilas for turning a job he takes very seriously into a joke.

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