Saturday, May 18, 2013

How Do You Neglect Cool Ranch Doritos?

Kavanaugh just posted about the top three chip flavors he would stack up against each other, and while the post was funny, it was also utterly wrong.

How could he have neglected Cool Ranch Doritos?

They are, hands-down, the most addictive chips ever created. They're so good that Taco Bell had to hijack their flavor to create a tortilla shell out of it. They're so good that, in Europe, they are known as "Cool American." They're just so good.

Don't tread on me, Salt and Vinegar.

In Colin Broderick's memoir Orangutan, he details how he overcame drug and alcohol addiction to become a successful author. Broderick compares addiction to a key, of which everyone has at least one. Sometimes, the key is a good thing, like marathons for runners or God for religious people. Sometimes, obviously, the key is bad. Broderick said that he used to have so many bad keys, such as heroine and booze, that they formed a set bigger than a janitor's keychain. Those keys, he says, jingle constantly and remind an addict of their presence.

Well, my key doesn't jingle as much as it crunches, the sound of Cool Ranch Doritos being ecstatically chomped. I'm sure I'm not alone in this addiction. In fact, Jay Leno's been addicted since before Kavanaugh was born.

Salt and vinegar? Get real.

The moral of the story, as usual: Kavanaugh is a dumbass.


  1. This conversation's getting a little chippy

    1. You're damn right it is. I'm serious about my chips.