Monday, May 20, 2013

How Could My Ancestors Do This to Me?

I understand that I have it pretty good. I was born into a terrific family in a great country during a technologically-advanced time period. I'll let Louis CK sum up some of the other advantages I was born into:

Still, I won't let that stop me from complaining. Every once in a while, I wonder what the hell my parents and more-distant forebears were thinking. Here are the top 3 things that make me think, "How could my ancestors do this to me?"

1. Giving me a girl's name
The name Francis is bad enough, although the new pope was named after me. But Fran? Really? The name Francis has been in my family for a few generations, but that's because the name was actually popular a few generations ago.

2. Stopping in New York City
Every time I go to Colorado, I wonder why my ancestors were so lazy that they stopped in New York.


I mean, they didn't know any better, but it's so much nicer out West. Sometimes I just can't wrap my head around their reasons for staying on the East Coast. Which brings us to Point #3:

3. Passing down a love of The Drink
Ah yes, alcohol. The Irishman's burden. I guess once my ancestors from the Land of Eire saw the abundance of pubs in Manhattan and the outer boroughs, they were in no rush to travel 2,000 miles to a state like Colorado. Especially if it consisted of passing through states like Ohio and Nebraska to get there.

Those are just three of the reasons why I did not win the genetic lottery. In fact, I'm so mad just thinking about my ancestors that I need a drink.

1 comment:

  1. Another one to not show grandma.
    Tell people you were named after Fran Tarkenton.