Friday, April 19, 2013

How Will Anyone Take Down LeBron?

With so many sports' playoffs recently being about who is "hot at the right time", it's interesting to see the NBA Playoffs starting up with such a prohibitive favorite in the Miami Heat.

Watching the Throne

One of the questions within that Heat story line is: who is going to stop LeBron, if anyone? Not just on a single possession or quarter, but in general. It seems like we've already given the Heat the Larry O'Brien trophy and the King the Finals MVP, and it's somebody's job to snatch those prizes away from them, because the Heat have put themselves in a class all their own. LeBron is like the untouchable girl in High School who is newly single. A tall, handsome German dude with flowing locks brought her down for a time, but now he's been out of the picture for a while now, and now, as she struts through the halls, all that is overheard in the guys' locker room is: can anybody tame the beast again??

Here are the contenders:

Kevin Durant - The nice best friend  and front-runner. He's a good athlete and has good grades. I'm pretty sure he goes to church and regularly performs community service. If she friend-zones him, you can't fault him for how he played it.You'd bet on him if you had to bet who will win...but nobody's lining up to make any bets.

Tony Parker - the French exchange student who the girl gravitates toward because he's so damn smooth and  it appears he wears the same jeans as her. A nice angle, but it's not going to cut it.

Carmelo - Carmelo knows his competition, as they both moved into town in 2003 and have been fast friends ever since. He kind of has this cool, bad boy image, but no one is even sure if that is deserved. What we do know is that he's got the game to get the job done, but people are saying he needs to be more consistent and trust his friends' council a little more for success.

Derrick Rose - There was talk of DRose taking down the King, but he hasn't been in the school district in over a year. He's been away at boarding school, and there was rumors he'd be back around, but now it looks like he's going to be there for a while longer and therefore poses no real threat.

Roy Hibbert - Roy Hiubbert is the massive Tight End who intimidates other guys and gets girls' attention based on his size alone - but here he is rendered ineffective.

Paul Pierce - Pierce had a thing a loong time ago where he took down the prize, and has been bragging about it incessantly ever since, and says he had a chance last season. What he doesn't realize was that was before physical and mental development fully set in, and that his claims of repeating such a feat are purely delusion.

Brandon Jennings - Brandon Jennings and his Bucks are the lab partner, because they will get some serious face time over the next few weeks. Everyone else would kill for this opportunity, but the lab partner never goes him with the prize.

No chance, lab nerd


Are these comparisons even slightly accurate? Even if they're not, I had a sad amount of fun making them, gave a few f---'s along the way,  and would love to hear additional/better ones.


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