Sunday, May 5, 2013

How Annoying Are Whistleblowers?

If you've been following the Rutgers basketball story the last week, I'm sure you're as tired of hearing about it as I am. And if you haven't been following the story, I have to ask: What's it like living with the Geico Cavemen?

But as tired as we all are of hearing about Mike Rice, I'm just as sick of this Eric Murdock character. Murdock, a former Rutgers assistant coach, was the whistelblower on Rice's behavior and he's now filing a wrongful termination suit against the university. If he just wanted the school to get rid of Rice for the "good of the players," fine. But it just feels a lot like he's trying to cash in on the whole situation.

Anyways, instead of talking more about Murdock and Rutgers, let's look at some of the other famous "whistleblowers" throughout history. (By the way, "whistleblower" is just a nice way of saying snitch, rat, or tattle-tale.)

Deep Throat

Deep Throat is the nickname given to the informant in the Watergate scandal. The pseudonym was a genius use of double entendre by the famous American pervert-journalists Woodward and Bernstein.

Decades later, Deep Throat was revealed to be FBI Associate Director Mark Felt. The name "Deep Throat" was first publicized in 1974, two years after the porno film Deep Throat was released. Oh, if only the Internet had been around to document that series of events.

Mark Felt. The guy doesn't look like he did porn, but his nickname says otherwise.
Like most whistleblowers, Felt had personal motives for snitching on Richard Nixon. He was angry at not receiving a promotion within the FBI, so he took the story to the press instead of to his superiors. While historians debate whether Felt was a hero or not, there's no denying that his story has parallels to that of Eric Murdock.

Whitey Bulger

Here's what says about Whitey Bulger, who's been in the news recently:

James "Whitey" Bulger, Boston's most notorious gangster, worked hand-in-hand with FBI agents, ratting out his Mob rivals in exchange for protection. When the partnership unraveled, he disappeared. He was arrested in Santa Monica, Calif., with his long-time girlfriend, Catherine Greig, on June 22, 2011. He is expected to go on trial in June 2013.

In Rat Bastards, a thoroughly entertaining book about the Boston Irish mob, John "Red" Shea details how Bulger ratted on almost all of his associates. Whitey may not have been a prototypical whistleblower, because he only flipped after the FBI had built a huge case against him. Still, it's safe to say that he was a rat of the highest order.

Judas Iscariot

Judas was the original snitch, and every turncoat that came after him could aptly be called "a Judas." He turned over his and my Lord for thirty silver coins. Money isn't everything but, for Judas, it was the only thing. Like most snitches, though, Judas got dealt a healthy dose of karma. According to the Acts of the Apostles, he used the money to buy a field, but fell headfirst, and burst asunder in the midst, and all his bowels gushed out. Ouch.

Fredo Corleone, Henry Hill, Frank Pentangeli, and all other Mafia movie snitches

The snitches from Italian Mob movies have been well-documented, so I'm just going to lump them all together. There are just too many of them, and I wanted to discuss some whistleblowers that might not be the first ones that come to mind.

Suffice it to say, though, that most of the snitches in the Italian mob met unseemly demises. The best those rats could have hoped for was what Henry Hill got at the end of Goodfellas:
"I'm an average nobody...get to live the rest of my life like a schnook."

Nina Myers from 24

Nina was the most loathsome character on what was, for my money, the most addictive television show ever. Nina was willing to blow the whistle on anyone or sell out to any group, as long as the price was right for her. Hardcore Bitch Snitch.

Jose Canseco

In his book Juiced, Canseco detailed much of the PED use in Major League Baseball. As a whistleblower, he probably did more good than harm by outing former teammates for drug use and starting the chain of events that led to the Mitchell Report. Still, Canseco (who also appeared on Celebrity Boxing, The Surreal Life, and Stripper's Ball: Jenna Jameson) definitely blew the whistle to cash in, not to help the game of baseball. Canseco and Eric Murdock would have a lot to talk about.

"A Jose Canseco bat? Tell me, you didn't pay money for this."

Dunder Mifflin Whistleblower

"The Whistleblower" is the title of the of the Season 6 finale of The Office. It aired after the show's prime but was still hilarious. In the episode, the media discovers that Sabre (the company that bought Dunder Mifflin) printers catch on fire, and the CEO tries to figure out who leaked the information. It turns out that several office members told friends, so there are multiple whistleblowers. The beginning of the episode is hilarious:

There are many other well-known whistleblowers and snitches throughout history, including Benedict Arnold, Sammy Gravano, and Julian Assange. But if you ever have the urge to become a whistleblower, just remember a phrase of which my students constantly remind each other: Snitches get stitches.


  1. Actually read this when you posted it and thought about it and have been meeting to comment. Better late then never.
    While I agree with 99% of your whistle blowers... i have a question about one. Being a well educated young, handsome (no homo), Irishman, and the fact you went to the most prestigious catholic school in history of forever, was Judas really a whistle blower??? or was he in fact A True Best Friend?? I mean come on... we all have friends or are those friends that would do anything for us, ANYTHING!!! Hide a body? Sure, i got a place. Did he punch that kid?? "Nope, didnt see it." (he knocked him out). point is, we know people who would do anything for us right?? But when push comes to shove, whos really gonna do it?? Maybe Jesus knew Peter was gonna deny him and said "Yah know what, Fuck Peter. Im gonna have Judas rat me out, yeah he will forever be known as a rat, but he would do anything for me" So, rat, or true friend?? Just some food for thought.

    GO IRISH!!!!

    PS. Possible blog?? What would you really do for a friend??

  2. Ummm, not sure how to respond here, Derm. Judas was a complete asshole, and I don't think there's any way around it. I did love the "GO IRISH!!!!" at the end of your comment. You are the man!

    P.S. Possible blog?? How drunk was Dermott when he wrote this comment?