Wednesday, March 6, 2013

How Pointless are These Inventions?

On my way to work today, I saw some lady driving around with one of those stupid "Bumper Bully" things on the back of her car. It got me thinking about a few pointless inventions I've seen lately. In no particular order:

The Bumper Bully

I guess I can understand this when you're parked. But for people to drive around with it on their car? What's the point of even getting a nice car if you're just gonna drive around with this monstrosity on it?
A new car is like a pair of new sneakers. You need to get a few scratches/some dirt on it before you really feel comfortable wearing/driving it around.

But if you have a Bumper Bully, at least nobody can steal it.

Just for Men Touch of Grey 

Maybe it's the fact that I haven't yet been traumatized by baldness or grey hair. Still, I don't understand this. Either accept that you're old and grey or go all the way back to your natural color.

There were rumors a few years ago that Obama dyed some of his hair grey to appear older. Why would he do that, though? Half the reason he won the first election was because people thought he was young and cool. Like, "Hey, this guy's much better than all those old, out-of-touch white presidents." Why would he neutralize that advantage?

Dog Sweaters

"At this point, I'd almost rather be a cat."
Yes, people like cute dogs. Spending a bunch of money and taking the time to dress them, though? C'mon.

True story: My cousin had an awesome golden retriever named Woody a few years ago. The first time Woody ever wore human clothes was for an ugly-sweater Christmas party. He died about three months later. They said it was cancer, but I'm convinced it was shame.

Vapor Cigarettes
"Hey man, can I bum a vapor?"
The New Coke of cigarettes. There's a reason they call it smoking and not vaporing. People have been smoking tobacco since way before the Indians passed the peace pipe, and that shouldn't change. Just like the rest of the "inventions" listed above, vapor cigs are for wieners.

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